Finding Work / Home Balance

 We live in a time where people are always talking about finding the proper work / home balance. As parents of two children that have additional needs has brought this balance to front and center of our lives. Over the years our jobs and duties have greatly affected our home lives and maintaining a balance.

Jim:

As I stated before when the boys were born I was working at a job that included a 3 hour commute every day. Many times that commute could be longer depending on accidents, construction, and/or weather. For the longest time I left before the boys were up and wouldn't get home until it was almost time for them to start getting ready for bed. I lost out on a lot of time with them and it took a toll of the bonds I was able to build with them. I worked hard to be the best at my job and put a lot of extra effort into everything I did. It took a lot of mental exertion and many days I would come home so drained it was hard to be at the best for my boys and wife.

Michelle:

While Jim was working a full-time job I was trying to work when I could to help us financially while also trying to be a full-time mom. I only stayed at the scale house for one season as I quickly found I was not there for Johnathan. There were many days that Johnathan was spending more time with our family who were helping care for him then with Jim and me. It was not what I wanted and I was already noticing some of the early characteristics of his delays. I spent 6-7 years working as a substitute teacher for 2 school districts. Some times I'd go weeks with no subbing dates and then other weeks I would be working 5 days a week. I loved being in a classroom with students but I was also feeling guilty that I wasn't there for my boy (and then my boys) There was no happy balance. I felt guilty when I wasn't making money subbing but at the same time I hate being at work and not home spending time with my boys.

Jim:

As time went on I often questioned if I should leave my job and look for a position that would offer more time with my family. I had a great advantage that with my many years of service I was able to earn a nice amount of PTO days each year. If I stayed healthy I knew I could use those days to plan fun trips/adventures we could do as a family. Unfortunately my workload continued to have a draining effect on my mental health and then physical health as I tried to keep going after the point of exhaustion.  
I also was able to get a day a week were I could work from home which allowed me to gain back some much needed time with my family. During this time our home office also moved locations that did change the length of my commute to a shorter time. Still the issues with traffic, construction, and weather greatly influenced how long I was gone. When COVID began the switch to all my co-workers and I being changed to work-from-home gave me more opportunities to be  present at home. Still when restrictions were changed the split time in office and working from home caused renewed issues of trying to find the work and home balance. 

Michelle:

After much consideration and struggles with trying to support our family finances I made some changes in my work designation. Both boys were in school so I decided to look for a more steady job. I was still subbing but I took the step to get my insurance license so I could work with my mom at the family insurance agency. I completed my classes and got my license but new issues were occurring that led to my work to take a back seat. The boys were both having some behavioral issues at school that I worried were being increased by my not 'being there' as much as I had in the past. Once again I questioned if my work was 'hurting' my boys and increasing their struggles. 
Then came a major change that affected me in many ways: I became my grandparents daytime caretaker. My grandmother had a stroke and needed a caretaker to allow her to be in her home with her husband, my grandfather. At first becoming her caretaker was an easy decision because it allowed me time with my grandparents and also when the boys were done with school they could be with me at my grandparents house. It was a great opportunity for me to gain some time back with my boys and they also got to spend more time with their great grandparents (which is something most kids don't get to do) During this time Johnathan also was experiencing some additional issues with his schooling and some changes needed to be made. Due to my 'work situation' we were able to introduce a plan that benefitted Johnathan and helped to resolve the issues.

Jim:

We were finding a better balance and we were making the adjustments to do what we hoped was best for our boys. Things seemed to be leveling out and we had a few years that we hoped things were finally balanced. It was a false hope though as all of our mental health wasn't balanced as we wanted to believe. Things were piling up physically and emotionally in our home. Our time outside of the house working led to a messier house. When we were home we often wanted to spend the day going on adventures and having experiences with the boys. Michelle would get frustrated because she wanted to stay home to 'work' but Johnathan was not a fan of going places without mom. 

Michelle:

Then came another change in my career when I was hired as a teacher at one of our local school districts. After many years of waiting for my dream teaching position I wanted to be the best teacher I could be. The problem was I didn't know how to balance my work load and home load requirements. I spent too many hours working on school stuff and neglecting my home stuff. It seemed like my time was so filled I didn't have the special times with my boys that I always treasured. The chores and needs of our home fell to the wayside and I felt so overwhelmed with everything that needed to be completed. Both Jim and I would working hard in our jobs that we were exhausted every day. The boys weren't getting the best of us and we both felt horrible about that.

Jim:

After 19 years at the same company I realized it was time to make some huge decisions that I had been debating about for a few years. My current job was not rewarding to me as it once was. I found myself dreading going to work because I just was drained and didn't want to keep losing out on time with my boys because of a long commute . I needed to find another job that would be rewarding, challenging, and hopefully allow me to continued time with my boys. I put feelers out and found some positions that seemed to offer these criteria. In August 2022 I accepted an offer for a new position that offered me new challenges while being able to work from home so when the work day was done I immediately could see and be with my boys. I liked that this job was a new position I could make my own and develop new skills. As time passed, the job developed further and the workloads increased. There was times that I was struggling with the new position and began wondering if I had made too big of a change in careers. I love what I do and the company that I work for. But with the limited PTO and the amount of work has led to me feeling overwhelmed at time. I have questioned if I can keep the pace up. However, these are questions that would have come up even at my prior position.

Michelle

I love teaching and I love being able to make a difference in the lives of my students. At the same time though I often ask am I putting too much into my students and not enough into helping my boys. I continue to work on balancing my work and my home needs but still struggle to find the right combination. I'm sure many people feel the same way but at the end of the day I know my boys needs from us as parents is considerable. The feeling of being overwhelmed is constant and I question what we can do to best find our balance.